Some days I feel like I’m treading water, with no end in sight. Other day’s I feel like I’m on top of the world and nothing can bring me down. I celebrated my 30th birthday over the weekend. I went to ball game Friday night, hung out with some friends Saturday night and then, on my actual birthday I did nothing. Not really what I wanted to do, but it’s what I did. I spent my 30th birthday ALONE. I woke up all alone and went to sleep all alone. I didn’t even get a hug, a true, real hug. I have never felt so alone. I know that everyone that extended birthday wishes to me did so with my happiness in mind and truly meant the words. However, when your parents have to rush out to the store to buy you a birthday cake, only because you happened to be at their house makes you feel pretty shitty. Had I not been at my parent’s house when my Mom got home from her Boston trip with my niece, she probably would have forgotten to call. I mean come on; a person only turns 30 once in their life and to be made to feel like you’re a burden on your own birthday really sucks. To have your loved ones practically forget that’s it’s your birthday just shouldn’t happen. I’ll never again forget to wish someone a happy birthday because of the feelings I felt yesterday, I wouldn’t wish upon anyone, EVER. I don’t know what I did to be treated this way, but I hope to never feel that way again. Even now as I write this, tears are streaming down my face. I don’t know what I did to have things turn out the way they have, perhaps Karma really is coming back to bite me in the ass. But let me be the first to say that being forgotten and feeling all alone on your birthday has got to be THE worst way to spend your birthday. I know no one will ever read this, but the simple fact that I was able to write it makes me feel a little better. Now if HE would stop being so selfish and start acting like an ADULT, then maybe, just maybe next year’s birthday will be better. I only have 364 days left to find out!!
****UPDATE****
So the mail came just a few minutes ago, and there was a hand written envelope, I got all excited to see who sent my a birthday card. Turns out it was just something I bought on Ebay being sent. Turns out not getting any cards in the mail, or opening any presents on your birthday is the suckiest, crappiest and worst way to spend a birthday EVER.
Monday, July 13, 2009
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Monday, May 11, 2009
My Complication...
So, many of you know that there is a relationship status option on Facebook that states "it's complicated". I never really gave it much thought when I started my page, since I was in a pretty normal relationship. Well, things got a little "not so normal" right before Easter. I had been given the chance to do whatever I please, not have any baggage, or responsibility for anyone or thing besides MY cat, MY apartment, and myself.
I have thought long and hard as to what my FB status should be,"it's complicated" seems to fit the bill right now. You see, after 6 years of living with someone, I now find myself living on my own. I have lived on my own when I was at school, but that was in a dorm, and a little different. I didn't have to cook my own meals, the bathroom was cleaned daily, and for most of the year I had a roommate. Now, over a decade later, I find myself truly on my own. I come and go as I please and eat cookies for dinner while watching Family Guy on DVD(thanks EB) if I so choose... I don't have to worry about coming home from work and figuring out what to cook for dinner for the two of us, or what we are going to do on the weekend. I now have every option available to me and I'm kinda liking it.
It gets complicated when all the details come out, like the building I live in is owned by his parents, who also happen to be my bosses. Their company is on the first floor and my apartment is on the third, my "complication" is on the second. I see his Dad everyday, and speak with his Mom several times a week, his siblings are like my own, and mine his.
When I start to explain to my friends and close family what is going on I get the usual, "time heals all wounds", "if it's meant to be, then it'll be", "when a door closes, a window opens", "absence makes the heart grow fonder". I know that they all have our best interests at heart, but when can I just say to everyone, "Thank you for your concerns, but I kinda like how it's complicated, and not a textbook example of a relationship". I've never been one for the way it should be, but more, this is how I want it, and this is how it's gonna be.
As much as it hurt, at first not seeing my best friend everyday, I have gotten used to being my own best friend. I have learned to do what I enjoy because I enjoy it, not because it's my obligation to like it or do it. I've rekindled old friendships that I have sorely missed, and have made new friends in the process. I have found that I'm happiest when doing what I want to do, not because I have to do it, but because I want to do it. I don't know what tomorrow may bring, but I know that it'll be better than today, and that a little complication never hurt anyone....
I have thought long and hard as to what my FB status should be,"it's complicated" seems to fit the bill right now. You see, after 6 years of living with someone, I now find myself living on my own. I have lived on my own when I was at school, but that was in a dorm, and a little different. I didn't have to cook my own meals, the bathroom was cleaned daily, and for most of the year I had a roommate. Now, over a decade later, I find myself truly on my own. I come and go as I please and eat cookies for dinner while watching Family Guy on DVD(thanks EB) if I so choose... I don't have to worry about coming home from work and figuring out what to cook for dinner for the two of us, or what we are going to do on the weekend. I now have every option available to me and I'm kinda liking it.
It gets complicated when all the details come out, like the building I live in is owned by his parents, who also happen to be my bosses. Their company is on the first floor and my apartment is on the third, my "complication" is on the second. I see his Dad everyday, and speak with his Mom several times a week, his siblings are like my own, and mine his.
When I start to explain to my friends and close family what is going on I get the usual, "time heals all wounds", "if it's meant to be, then it'll be", "when a door closes, a window opens", "absence makes the heart grow fonder". I know that they all have our best interests at heart, but when can I just say to everyone, "Thank you for your concerns, but I kinda like how it's complicated, and not a textbook example of a relationship". I've never been one for the way it should be, but more, this is how I want it, and this is how it's gonna be.
As much as it hurt, at first not seeing my best friend everyday, I have gotten used to being my own best friend. I have learned to do what I enjoy because I enjoy it, not because it's my obligation to like it or do it. I've rekindled old friendships that I have sorely missed, and have made new friends in the process. I have found that I'm happiest when doing what I want to do, not because I have to do it, but because I want to do it. I don't know what tomorrow may bring, but I know that it'll be better than today, and that a little complication never hurt anyone....
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Random Thought, RI's Russian Sub
How is it that a Russian Submarine, Juliett 484, aka K-77 or more commonly known as the one used in the movie K-19, The Widowmaker, came to sink in Rhode Island of all places?
I know that you'd expect it to have sunk in some secret cold war scenario somewhere, but nope, it sank in an April 2007 rain storm. Yes a rain storm, not a hurricane that Rhode Island is prone to, not a blizzard like the one in 1978 that crippled the state for a week, but a simple early spring rain storm.
I find it ironic that this submarine, and all it's Russian naval glory, sank in Rhode Island. I drove by it last night, for the umpteenth time, and every time I do, I think the same thing. "Who would have thought that a vessel that is made to stay underwater for weeks, if not months at a time could actually sink?"
I know that the storm wasn't a typical early spring storm and that a variety of factors came into play, like an easterly wind, higher tides, and the hurricane barrier being closed, but didn't it encounter worse while at sea? I mean the ship was launched in 1965 so you know that it had to have seen it's fair share of inclement weather. So why a spring storm in RI?
Check out the official site: http://www.juliett484.org/juliett/index.html
***UPDATE***
A year ago today: JUNE 18, 2008
Juliett 484 was once a movie star, captained by Harrison Ford in an action film. Before that, it was a feared piece of the Soviet nuclear arsenal and a large player in any doomsday scenario. Even in its dotage, as a museum boat in Providence Harbor, it was a destination for tour groups and military buffs. Now, Juliett 484, a Soviet-era ballistic-missile submarine, is still stuck in the mud on the bottom of Providence harbor, flooded and rusting inside, and home to plants, crabs, and the few fish hardy enough to live in Providence's murky waters. The sub sank in April 2007 in a severe storm, and now rests on its side in 35 feet of water just off Collier Point Park. A team of Army and Navy salvage divers are to pull the sunken Juliett 484 upright using heavy machinery.
I know that you'd expect it to have sunk in some secret cold war scenario somewhere, but nope, it sank in an April 2007 rain storm. Yes a rain storm, not a hurricane that Rhode Island is prone to, not a blizzard like the one in 1978 that crippled the state for a week, but a simple early spring rain storm.
I find it ironic that this submarine, and all it's Russian naval glory, sank in Rhode Island. I drove by it last night, for the umpteenth time, and every time I do, I think the same thing. "Who would have thought that a vessel that is made to stay underwater for weeks, if not months at a time could actually sink?"
I know that the storm wasn't a typical early spring storm and that a variety of factors came into play, like an easterly wind, higher tides, and the hurricane barrier being closed, but didn't it encounter worse while at sea? I mean the ship was launched in 1965 so you know that it had to have seen it's fair share of inclement weather. So why a spring storm in RI?
Check out the official site: http://www.juliett484.org/juliett/index.html
***UPDATE***
A year ago today: JUNE 18, 2008
Juliett 484 was once a movie star, captained by Harrison Ford in an action film. Before that, it was a feared piece of the Soviet nuclear arsenal and a large player in any doomsday scenario. Even in its dotage, as a museum boat in Providence Harbor, it was a destination for tour groups and military buffs. Now, Juliett 484, a Soviet-era ballistic-missile submarine, is still stuck in the mud on the bottom of Providence harbor, flooded and rusting inside, and home to plants, crabs, and the few fish hardy enough to live in Providence's murky waters. The sub sank in April 2007 in a severe storm, and now rests on its side in 35 feet of water just off Collier Point Park. A team of Army and Navy salvage divers are to pull the sunken Juliett 484 upright using heavy machinery.
It's all about me
Why, hello there and welcome to my little corner of the world. I'm not your typical blogger, I don't have any crazy skills or talents that have brought me here, just my desire to clutter up the internet with some more inane dribblings of nothing of great importance.
I was raised an Irish Catholic in a small bedroom town. My parents are still together and my brother is 360 days younger than me. I have many passions that vary from coaching in my hometown to staying up late playing video games on a work night. I have a cat, who is crazy (you'll hear more on him later) and I have a secret desire to rule the world, or atleast my little corner of it. I can be a little sarcastic at times and if you don't like it too bad, just deal with it, humor helps me cope with life.
I guess I really started this blog to vent on things that bug me, drive me nuts, or just plain confuse me.
So, again, welcome to my cluttered, disorganized and random corner of the world, stick around, you never know what is going to happen next.
I was raised an Irish Catholic in a small bedroom town. My parents are still together and my brother is 360 days younger than me. I have many passions that vary from coaching in my hometown to staying up late playing video games on a work night. I have a cat, who is crazy (you'll hear more on him later) and I have a secret desire to rule the world, or atleast my little corner of it. I can be a little sarcastic at times and if you don't like it too bad, just deal with it, humor helps me cope with life.
I guess I really started this blog to vent on things that bug me, drive me nuts, or just plain confuse me.
So, again, welcome to my cluttered, disorganized and random corner of the world, stick around, you never know what is going to happen next.
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